April 20th,2021 was a normal day for me. I woke up with the same back pain I had been having throughout pregnancy. Like a rollie polly I still had to roll out of bed to get up. Honestly, it started like an average day for me, it was the ending that completely changed my life. I had been watching my youngest nephew for a couple of days, so I had plans of taking him to the park after my routine doctor's appointment that was that morning. Well, we never made it, to the park to say the least.
My appointment was roughly 9am on April 20. I had just made 31 weeks the Sunday before the appointment and at this point, I was seeing my ob-gyn every two weeks. We did the normal stuff like weight checks, blood pressure, etc. When it came to checking Adonis` heart rate with the doppler my doctor was having trouble getting an accurate reading. After moving it around to other spots & asking me to take deep breaths to calm myself she still was either not getting a reading or it was showing well in the 200s. I remember her saying, " I`m sending you over to labor and delivery. I can`t get an accurate read. The doppler is showing a high heartrate and you can hear its fast." I tried to keep my composer, but I went into automatic panic mode. I went to thinking the worst. In my head I was like my baby is in distress, something is wrong. Even in panic mode though I still felt the need to present myself as if I was okay. So, I declined getting wheeled over to labor and delivery and opted to walk. It wasn't too far from the office I was in, so it was fine, and it allowed me to call my mom and best friend.
Once I made it to L&D and did the check-in procedures (changing into a gown, urine sample, etc) I was hooked up to the machines to monitor the baby. I think I was there for like an hour or two. Still very much in panic mode but trying to think the best. I was on the phone with my best friend cracking jokes and at this point, my mom had come, so I'm telling her everything I wanted to eat as if I was all calm and everything was okay. (Being pregnant and not able to eat is a different type of hunger.) After about an hour and a half, two hours the heart rate was still kind of high and my ob-gyn wanted me to see my other doctor, so I was discharged and asked to go to the hospital my other doctor was at. In my previous post, I mentioned hemophilia. Since we knew there was a 50% chance of Adonis having it, along with my regular ob-gyn I was being followed and treated by another one who was like a specialty type for high-risk patients. I felt okay enough to drive and honestly, I didn't want the cost of being driven in an ambulance added to my hospital bill. So, after dropping my car home and grabbing a change of clothes, I was off to Tulane Hospital with my mom.
Everyone was nervous at this point. My biological dad was set to meet us at the hospital, my Godmother was asking me if I wanted her to leave work, it was chaotic to say the least. So many doctors came to see me while I was there it is honestly a blur. I remember meeting the pediatric staff like the doctor on call and such. They introduced themselves and said how they would like for me to not have him that day, but if I did the steps, they would take to take care of him. I saw my specialty doctor who threw out a few scenarios of what she thought was going on after viewing the ultrasound I had done there. I can't remember the exact name for it as I write this, but what she thought was going on was that Adonis had backflow from his heart. She thought one of his heart valves leaked and flowed backward putting pressure on his heart. She had a cardiologist come to do an examination however to give me a correct answer. Thankfully she was able to determine that wasn't the problem but did discover something else. What the cardiologist discovered was that the electrical system of his heart was immature in a sense. This irregularity disturbed the bottom chambers of his heart. So, the high heart rates were correct. She also was able to pick up things that the doppler was missing, such as he had a double heartbeat (two beats at a time instead of one), and he would skip beats. She diagnosed him with prenatal supraventricular tachycardia.
With the newfound information and diagnosis for Adonis, it was ultimately determined I was having him that night. At 8:52 pm I started being prepped for an emergency c-section. Due to the hemophilia risk for both me and Adonis, I knew from the jump I wasn't doing a vaginal birth. I could've had complications with bleeding and the trauma of him coming through the birth canal could've caused him a bleed. The risk was not better than the reward to me. Since I was only 31 weeks and two days, I was given a steroid shot for Adonis lungs to develop faster. Along with that, I had benefix which is a synthetic factor 9 medication that was used to help my blood clot during the procedure. I was given other standard medication like a spinal tap, magnesium sulphate etc. (I didn't feel any pain from my spinal tap, but that damn magnesium had me with hot flashes. I felt like my skin was on fire. It also had me nauseous. In the operating room I had to be given something twice for nausea.)
I`m not sure if I knew this and blocked it out or if I was so drugged up that I just couldn't focus. But this year after going through Adonis medical files I discovered he didn't come out breathing. No one knows how long he was without oxygen. After cleaning his nasal way, he was immediately resuscitated and then intubated. I remember I use to have nightmares asking my mom why he wasn't crying. But for so long so much was going on I never thought too much into it. Then those particular nightmares stopped so I sort of forgot about it altogether.
Like I said when I first got to the hospital, I had met the pediatric staff, so I knew Adonis was going to be going to NICU if I had him, which I did. At 10:48 pm I had Adonis. At 1:50 am I was signing paperwork to get him transferred to Children`s Hospital NICU. That night I didn't get to hold my baby boy, I didn't get the chance to kiss his little hands and feet like I love to do so now, I didn't get the skin-to-skin golden hour moment. So many things I missed out on and honestly, I don't think I will ever get over it.
Birth trauma is real and can be traumatizing. Don't let anyone downplay your feelings ever. It`s okay to feel the happiest moment of your life is also the worst. Most importantly don't bottled up any of these emotions. Speak up and out. The difference between telling a person how you feel and having a venting session could save so much heartache and potential harm down the line.
When possible, I will try to throw in any funny memories I have, but honestly, the truth of the matter is when you've experienced your child go through so much you don't have many happy memories to start with. Or memories at all. I blocked out so many memories it's like a puzzle in my head piecing things together as I accept and heal. Thank you for reading and continue to tune in. Until next time .....
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